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First Steps

January 15, 2011
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First Steps…

MB had his first private tango lesson today and was able, for the first time I think, to understand and experience some of the joy of tango. The walking and connecting part can be the hardest for leaders, but he already has the tools to do that and, more than he realises, is a natural Tanguero He is so gifted, this is the sad thing for me, his gifts have largely gone unrealised. He can sing, play guitar, write, draw and paint. Yet, most of his adult life has been dedicated to taking drugs, so naturally he hasn’t been able to express himself fully.

In the lesson I could see he was nervous, and found it hard to stay present and focussed, essential in the moment, in the Tango.. But slowly M, the teacher, found a way to engage him and I could see by the end, that he was loving it and flowing… He was so enthusiastic when we got home, and wanted to practice and practice. Of course it made my heart swell and I felt so happy. Happy that he had tasted even a tiny bit of what I consider to be the most addictive, and pleasurable of past-times. I think he’s going to be a great leader. He has ‘potential’

So today and yesterday were good days, in which we took tentative steps toward one another again, after another shaky row,  but, as always, I am never quite sure. MB’s ‘xmas’ doses were picked up today, enough to last until Weds next week.  He’s dosed on 30mls instead of his normal 20, I guess he knows what he is doing. He is fine. Maybe a bit sleepy, but affectionate and happy.. Absorbed in his internet stuff…

The relationship stuff is very similar to Tango, negotation of space, the leader inviting, the follower accepting. Dancing in close embrace or open? When to end the dance, or to just to keep going.

Intimacy and, forces repelling. This is the Tango.

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